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my brain needs to rest
i wrote this last night while waiting for tuition to start:I am on tenterhooks. I've never experienced despair like this before. Just sitting by the window, my brain refusing to process anything, not even the people walking by. and the dozen Fisherman's friends i've had doesn't help. The hot minty after taste has left my tongue numb and unfeeling, just like my heart and my brain. These days i snap really easily, at my family, at myself. THE FRUSTRATION. it just makes me want to tear my hair out.
I feel like Pip in Great Expectations. except I'm writing my own story. I have had great expectations of myself but in the process of trying to realise these expectations I've realised that perhaps they're too great for me. Should I just give up? I want to run to my mummy and hug her tight. Have her pull me into her arms and say it's okay. Everything will be okay. Everyone has great expectations of me - i feel like i'm swimming in air.
So many questions fill my head. But no answers appear. Who can answer me?
As I watch the world go past with all its normalcy and goodness, I wish I was part of that world.
Today:
Really very very tired so i didn't wake up this morning. Pissed the mother off. Big time. but i'm sorry i need the rest and i need to have one 'SLACK' day. tomorrow it's going to be hell. and i need to consolidate my notes. please. i can't take it anymore. i just need a day off
Labels: tired
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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