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random musings
i'm really thankful for God's grace upon my life. the past few days while selling laptops i've learned that education does create disparities. not that i think i'm superior or anything but my colleagues (if you could even call them that) and i shared really different interests. the only one i managed to click with was this nice girl but even then there were differences between us. it's not like talking with chuazy or lawpy or xina or theo where we're on the same wavelength because the things we think about and experience in life is so different.whenever i tell a customer that i'm waiting for my a level results they kind of look at me like i'm kidding because idk maybe they expect laptop sellers to be less well educated or they think that people in JC are nerds who can't sell things for nuts. that's definitely not the case with me i guess. there was this girl who kept comparing the number of laptops i sold and i'm like WTH nobody wants to compare with you c'mon and in the end i still sold more than her. i guess it's a dog fight dog business where you've got to be aggressive if you wanna close deals. that's the way life is and many people think that being in a JC you just study. well you got that wrong. i think my JC experience opened me up to so many different types of people and all the human relations can get messy at times. i'm thankful for the experience and i hope i'll put what i've been given to good use.
it intimidates me at times. like so what if i'm smarter than like my family it just means that everyone pins their hopes and dreams on me. like my mum even though she doesn't say so explicitly i know she wants me to do what she didn't do. she doesn't want me to be a stayhome mum who 'wasted' her youth at home. i'm not exceptionally smart it's just that i know how to study and i'm thankful for my mum's 'clever' genes. and i'm thankful for her understanding. the night before i took my first paper i asked her what would happen if i didn't get my As or if i did badly. she just told me think about it this way. what's the worse thing that could happen - dropping out of school to start work? going to uni---? it's not so bad right. there's always a way so just do your best. it was really reassuring and nice to know that my mum believed in me and that she didn't expect the sky and the heavens from me but that just makes it worse.
i wanna excel. i wanna go as far as i can. but right now i'm just glad it's all over and i'm thankful that God has been by my side all this while. His grace and mercy has been upon me and i'm more than contented. what more can i ask for?
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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