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FTB

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I really don't know who's reading this blog but well, I think it's a good way for me to keep track of my emotions. The past two days have been really transforming for me. I have a feeling it's got to do with this person who keeps digging up questions to ask and it set me thinking a lot. Somehow what he said hit me hard. Those four words he said in my face just made me realise what a horrible terrible person I am. I think what I took away most from the whole camp was the fact that I'm such an asshole. A low, superficial, terribly unappealing self-centred freak. I guess I really should think before I speak since I've been projecting a hologram of myself, a picture that is so obviously false. It hurts to not be me. And it hurts even more when people are able to poke holes through that false image I've been trying so hard to build to protect myself. The layers just deflate and everything comes crashing down; being stripped to the core is definitely not pretty.
My writing is incoherent and though I hate how I'm writing now I have to write it all down before this wave of emotion leaves me.

More about FTB since this post should be about it. My group reduced in size. From being the biggest FTB group comprising 14 of us, by the end of the first night we were down to 8 and eventually on the second night 4. I was utterly glad that we are all christians/catholics who hold on to the same values but it is different because we're not exactly on the same wavelength and I'm sorely missing my friends from JC. All this social interaction is so out of my comfort zone. The games were ohhkayyy, not as 'dirty' as Bondue and some were quite fun too. Slipped out of camp early today to go to the zoo with Xina. They were pretty in their maxis (: and I think it was all worth it waking up early and making the trip down with them.

We just don't exist in the same worlds.