it's funny
i take to writing and putting words here every time there's a major shake up.
it's been a month since and there have been good days and bad days. days where i bawl myself to sleep because i feel the pain physically. it's like knives stabbing my heart into a million pieces.
it's a different type of loss. a loss that my head knows is what i need to do for myself, but which my head has had to fight my heart so badly to maintain the no contact. to withdraw. to block. because he's no longer in my present reality.
this time around it's different because i've had to choose myself. i had to choose to walk away because we are not compatible. we love each other, but we express love very differently, and i was losing myself and the version of myself that he fell in love with.
i tried, but my body gave me warning signs. the days that have since followed were so painful but thankfully God sent angels my way. my siblings & friends who checked in, who supported me, who jio-ed me for a drink, who listened to me process.
let's check in again in a couple months; see where life takes me. i'm excited for the new chapter.
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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