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therapy thoughts
it took 10 sessions to peel through the layers.
some sessions felt like we were almost getting there; but it stopped short of removing the final innermost layer. something was crying out to keep that on, as though exposing it will break me.
and then it all fell into place. once i realised what it was that i was holding on so tightly to. i was holding on to someone who loved me, because for the past 33 years i couldn't love myself. he was that single data point i needed to convince myself that i am lovable.
the moment of realisation hit hard and something broke inside. it's as if a sliver of light broke through the sea of pain that i had been drowning in for so long.
my heart; smithereens.
i will pick up the pieces. slowly.
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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