the good the bad the ugly
this weekend was not great.
as my sister accurately surmised - my self-loathing is at an all time high.
and deep down i know it's got to do with the eating disorder; it's never really gone away tbvh
so anyway i was really not feeling my best the whole weekend + yesterday i had itchy fingers so i went to click on a certain insta profile and got myself so annoyed + couldn't sleep + heart palpitations (honestly idk why i do this to myself).
but this is a post to remind myself of something else.
at lunch today, i ordered a double creamy mushroom cheeseburger meal (the new one) for pick-up/takeaway and i was so looking forward to eating it but when i opened the takeaway doggy bag i realised it was a set of 2 pc mccrispy instead. honestly i was low-key annoyed because i was looking forward to the double creamy mushroom cheeseburger (i am salivating rn) but all is well as i had a tub of cheese so i could make cheese fries + cheese chicken. PLUS the mccrispy meal is actually more expensive than what i paid so i guess it was a win. and then my colleague who got the double creamy mushroom cheeseburger had to run to the toilet after 'cus his stomach felt weird.
i guess the moral of the story is; sometimes what i get is very different from what i ordered. but God knows best. and i will trust. trusting and having faith is so difficult. really difficult. but little moments like this remind me that He is for me and He knows what's best.
honestly, i was this close to breaking no contact.
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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