sitting in the discomfort of stillness
therapy sessions have been most enlightening
and the past 3 weeks, i've been experiencing a weird type of peace that makes me feel really really uncomfortable.
the irony, i know. but it's uncomfortable because this peace is strangely unfamiliar. the past 18 months (or if we really want to stretch it maybe 20 years) have been somewhat chaotic (understatement) and so my body / brain has been pre-programmed for drama. i live for the drama.
now that there's no drama i'm forced to sit with the uncomfortable silence and confront my deepest fears.
fear that i'll die alone / nobody will love me / i'll run out of money / i'm not living up to my fullest potential / that i'm not good enough / that i won't be seen or chosen
so *deep breaths* i'm taking this one step at a time, and reminding myself that i choose you. re-assuring myself that i choose you. everyday.
baby steps, we got this.
also, through it all, God is good.
“some people feel like they don't deserve love. they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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